Bring Hope to the broken-hearted

On Dec. 22, 2005, Amanda and Josh Bowers welcomed their second child into the world, a beautiful little girl named Glory Rochelle.

It hadn't been a typical pregnancy and it was anything but a typical birth day.

"At 13 weeks the doctors gave us the dreaded word: complications," recalled Amanda.

As the pregnancy progressed, Amanda and her family held strong in their faith in God and prayed for a miracle.

 "Everything seemed to be going along smoothly, then came the week before she was born, the 29th week," said Amanda. "At my routine exam my doctor called in for a sonogram because I was measuring around 40 weeks. A little scared but still clinging to that ever-giving faith, I arrived at the ultrasound office only to see that dreaded fluid rising up in her abdomen and lungs."

At 30 weeks pregnant, Amanda went into labor and Glory was delivered via Cesarean section on Dec. 22, 2005. Glory’s life began and ended in a matter of a couple of hours.

Nearly five years later and now a mother of four, Amanda has not forgotten Glory’s story and she is passionate about telling her story of faith and helping other parents that have to travel along a similar road.

Six months after Glory’s birth, during the summer of 2006, a new organization called AgapeCare Cradle opened its doors and Amanda immediately saw how this group would play an enormous role in the community.

AgapeCare Cradle, is a nonprofit ministry that is touching families across the city by holding them up during some of the hardest times.

A fully-licensed mortuary service, AgapeCare Cradle plans services, prepares the child, creates personalized remembrance items for the family and offers support for many months. AgapeCare Cradle has provided services for babies as young as ten weeks gestation up to thirteen months old.

"The loss of these innocents is deeply felt by mothers and fathers who often desire a respectful service of remembrance but are sometimes discouraged from publicly grieving them as important members lost to their family," said AgapeCare Cradle Founder and Executive Director Shannon Barnes in the group’s mission statement.

Unsure of where to turn

After Glory was born, Amanda and Josh were lost about what to do next. They weren’t sure what was appropriate, what was available or how to go about it. Plus, it was three days before Christmas.

Upon the advice of a nurse at the hospital, Amanda and Josh decided to contact a mortuary and plan a small service for Glory.

"Each step I took called upon a deliberate coaching mechanism in my brain to accomplish it," said Amanda.

"Making arrangements from the hospital room honestly took a little bit of denial and then finalizing things at the mortuary took a complete act of God. Every decision was one decision closer to the final one and I knew that would be it that would be all the mothering this child needed from me. Without a roadmap, one could see the urgency at which we took each step fearing possible regret with one of those decisions or somehow missing something."

On Dec. 27, the Bowers held a small service at a mortuary then had a burial with family and their pastor.

Where Amanda and Josh felt helpless and confused with no knowledge of how to plan a service and burial, or even if they should, AgapeCare Cradle now fills that hole for so many families who are facing those questions.

"Typically we receive a phone call from the grandparents or a sister or a friend, pastor, a nurse or even the mother or father themselves after a loss," said Shannon, AgapeCare Cradle’s founder.

Shannon schedules a meeting with the parents to talk with them about how they would like to honor their child. They talk about holding a memorial service, embalming services, are there clothes for the child to be buried in, would they like to see the baby again.

"If it’s an older child they often have a certain outfit for them (to be buried in)," said Shannon. "If the child is a stillborn or a very small baby, we have clothes that they can look through that have been specially made."

The families are apprehensive and have no idea what to expect, said Shannon. She walks them through the steps and helps them plan for the coming days.

"There is so much love and investment that we put into this service," said Shannon. "We can’t replace their baby, but we try to honor the life of their baby."

In addition to preparing the baby, providing a casket, planning the service and arranging the many details, AgapeCare Cradle offers the families numerous remembrance items.

Shannon and her volunteers prepare hand and foot molds, provide professional pictures using volunteer photographers and creates a cd of the pictures set to music.

"It is all priceless," said Amanda who currently services as a board member for AgapeCare Cradle. "You only get so little time with these babies and every little thing is indescribably precious."

Continued support

For a year after each family’s loss, AgapeCare Cradle has intentional contact with them. Remembering and recognizing days along the way that will bring additional emotions such as the original due date if the baby was premature, the child’s birthday and the year anniversary of the death.

AgapeCare Cradle refers families to counseling services and other services within the community that will help the families to heal.

Now that Shannon has been operating AgapeCare Cradle for four years, she is experiencing a whole new aspect of her service.

"It is so rewarding four years into it to see the families heal," said Shannon. "Families are coming back to us to show us their new babies, sending us birth announcements, they update us on their lives. It is so rewarding to see how they are restored over the years."

How to support AgapeCare Cradle

There are about 100 cases of stillbirth in Sedgwick County each year. By definition, that accounts for the loss of a child that is 12 ounces or larger who was not born alive. There are many more babies that are lost each year who do not technically fall into the stillbirth category, added Shannon.

Because it is a nonprofit, AgapeCare Cradle can only receive families as time and funding allows. That means on average, Shannon can only accept one out of every three calls for services that comes into her organization.

Shannon has been at AgapeCare Cradle working at 2 a.m. on Easter morning, she has received a call from a new mother who lost a child on Mother’s Day. She pours her heart into the ministry, but she desperately wants to be able to serve more families.

"This is the definition of a grassroots movement," said Shannon. "We have no big name behind us, promoting us. It is a miracle that we are where we are, it is truly the work of God."

There are churches and businesses across the area who support AgapeCare Cradle through annual fundraisers, by donating services or items. But there are many more families who could be helped if more donations of time and money were received.

"It’s such an uncomfortable topic for people to approach," said Shannon. "The way AgapeCare is reaching out and revealing it, many people are coming to embrace it. You discover an inner ability, a strength inside you."

AgapeCare Cradle needs volunteers to become ambassadors or advocates for their organization, to be a public face for the group. Shannon hopes to find people who will use an already prepared presentation to approach churches and other groups to partner with AgapeCare Cradle on its mission.

To grow and be available to serve more families Shannon needs more licensed staff. To hire and retain those people, monthly donations are a necessity.

The families that AgapeCare Cradle serves do not receive a bill. They are given an invoice that shows the mortuary services and supplies that were used but they are not required to pay a certain amount.

"We hope they will consider paying something and even listing AgapeCare Cradle as a memorial so others can give in their baby’s name," said Shannon. "If we were fully funded we could receive so many more families each year. We struggle emotionally because we want to do them all."

To find out more about AgapeCare Cradle’s mission or to donate, visit www.agapecarecradle.org, call them at 316-263-HOPE or make an appointment to visit the office at 126 N. Emporia in downtown Wichita.